Delinquent

Koko in the snow

  I'm way behind. I'm juggling too many projects, I admit it. Logically I should give some up. But which ones?

Not my horses, that's for sure. They're a life commitment, they are family. Thing is, these days I'm not doing anything horse-related except for providing their basic care and I want to do more with my little herd than just keeping them alive and healthy. I want to play with them, maybe even ride again someday once I have a sound horse to ride.

Why don't I have a sound horse to ride when I've got three horses, you might ask. Good question. I ask it of myself quite often. 

I was forced to take hiatus from riding a little over a decade ago. I had some physical issues going on and my life in general was in turmoil. I was in transition but I didn't know what was on the other side, so all I could do was cope with everything the Universe threw at me and hope for the best. Then COVID happened. That's when I got to add balancing on a tightrope to the juggling act.

I was fortunate in that COVID didn't claim anyone in my circle of family or close friends, but pandemics aside, death still happens. There were too many deaths over the past decade. I'm not ready to to remember, much less share, what I experienced as I stood witness to the endless possibilities of suffering that a dying physical body may go through. 

Besides, I know you all have your own memories to torture you.

The good news is that I never fell off my tightrope, never stopped juggling. But it was hard, like I've been slogging through some multi-dimensional hell forever. Like hell has been taking a wee nip of my life force each time I left another horror behind. 

Along with everyone else in the world, I'm tired. I'm so done with the violence and posturing, the egos and the hatred. Tired of loss and of trying to fix things. So damn done with balancing and juggling. Tired, except... in spite of it all, I'm happy. My personal world is bright, albeit with a strange new light rather than what I've been used to. Sure, my heart has been bruised, but my soul is satisfied it was worth it. I've been rewarded with a kind of superpower that I've never known before. I don't know what it is but I like how it's shaping the person I'm rebuilding.

I have two new dogs in my life, rescues, sweethearts both. I still have my stallion Koko and my retired mare Tess. Sometime soon Sonny will be coming back home from a half a year of intense veterinary care and there's a very good chance I will be riding her by this time next year.

I'm playing with fabric art again -- it's different than anything I've ever done before but much more satisfying to me. I'm having a fantastic time with photography, and I really like the direction that's going. But the very best news is that I'm writing again, seriously writing. My latest novel, Dark Green, is getting noticed. I have half a dozen writing projects in the queue, including a book about Koko's sire, Ben Nasrif -- my soulmate horse, the fiery beast who firmly but gently taught me all the best things I know about spiritual horsemanship.

Yeah, it's all new and exciting and every waking hour is filled to overflowing with projects. It can get to feel like there's just not enough time to do everything I want to, but now I know there is time enough for everything. 

But still, I'm juggling as fast as I can.